You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
