your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
