I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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