We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
