just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
