I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
