She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
