ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
