What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
