Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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