ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
