She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
