It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
