Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
