I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
