i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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