there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
