he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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