first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
