did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
