You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
