im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
