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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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