You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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