i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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