its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
