rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Life is so much better after having sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
