what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
