It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
