i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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