Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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