i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
