I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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