You made me cry and you don't even care
my mouth tastes like poor choices
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
