just come out here and I will go home with you...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We are two peas in an std pod
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
