and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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