i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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