dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish you could order shots online.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Randomize
