i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
