Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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