he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
