I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
how drunk are you?
Several
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
