well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just google imaged poop.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
