I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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