he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
