Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
