We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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