so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
