Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
