I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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